Yes it's true that I hope she reads this blog some day. But I am not filtering this for her eyes. I thought about her likes, her dislikes, the kind of person she is, I thought about her looks, her body, everything. The list of things is so pathetically short and insignificant, it seems to obvious now that I made the wrong decision.
- I wished her family wasn't so far away. Yes this is not a significant factor in anything. But it would be nice if her family was around here. We'd always hang out with my family, and it would be nice if we could hang out with hers. Part of getting together with someone is growing your family by joining them together. And that didn't happen so much because she was here all alone. Plus I just felt bad that she was here all alone. But this is so insignificant.
- I wish she didn't fall asleep so early. She was always falling asleep while I was still wide awake. It would be nice if she could stay up late with me more. But again, this wasn't a big deal. We'd spend the whole day together, it wasn't a big deal.
- I used to encourage her to grow her hair longer. She was amazingly beautiful the day I met her, with short hair. But I would encourage her to grow it longer, cause I kind of like longer hair. It's not that she didn't look good with short hair, she looked awesome all the time. But here's the thing. She did. She grew her hair longer while we were dating.
- Where she lived, parking was very tough. Yes, the list of things I'd change about K is so short and desperate for items, that "parking" is an item on the list.
That's really about it. And the things on this list are so minor and insignificant.
And what would K change about me? Well, she never really encouraged me or bugged me about anything. But if I had to make some educated guesses...
- There is the whole lack of passion in our relationship, which I've been over a million times. She interpreted that as us fizzling out, when really it was me pulling away for many [dumb] reasons that I talk about in other posts. So lets just say, lack of passion.
- Beyond that, I was kind of a 'no' guy. Like I never really wanted to do anything. Although that's a stretch, I did want to do things, but I said no too easily. And really, she made it so easy. She is as easy going as me, she never made a big deal about anything. In a way, I wish she had. Also, a lot of the lack of wanting to do stuff, was again, me pulling away, trying to hold the relationship still. We definitely did a lot more at the beginning of the relationship than the end. Although at the same time, the beginning was during the summer and the end was winter and early spring, so there is just a lot less to do in general.
- She always thought my clothes were too baggy :) They are.
- I'm sure she wanted me to have my own place, and not still live with my mom at this age. But guess what, so do I. This isn't exactly a buyers market. I've been trying to buy a house for years now, but housing prices keep going up as fast as my budget does, so here I still live. But this isn't something she ever expressed any negativity about. But I'm sure she would prefer I had my own place.
- I think I'm a pretty nice person. But I'm nowhere near as nice as her. I know if I tried harder, I could be a nicer person. I do tend to judge people quickly. And I tend to swear a lot.
That's all I can think of for me. Hopefully that is all, hopefully she doesn't have a journal somewhere, with this same list, that is a mile long. But I doubt it. We got along so well, and we have so much in common. And I absolutely always enjoyed the time we spent together. Our whole relationship, I was never mad at her once. And to my knowledge, she was never mad at me once. It was more than I could have ever hoped for in a relationship. And I had to lose it to realize this :(
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