Status Update

It's been a week since I sent K a very, very long email explaining in detail how I feel about her, how I feel about our relationship, and how I've changed, and how & why I think things would be different if we gave it another go...

She hasn't sent me any more direct response to that email, other than the original short message that it was sweet, and that she didn't really know how to respond to it. Also, her grandfather died, and the day after she got that long email, she also got a bunch of flowered delivered, from me. With a nice note about remembering the good times she had with him.

So, she hasn't said anything more about the long email. But our daily emails have been more regular. And the emails shes been sending me are longer, more detailed, more personal than previous emails. Given what I said in that email, and given that we seem to be getting a little closer, as opposed to her pulling away, I have to say that it's a pretty positive sign. In fact, all this past week, has been a pretty good week for me. I had much less anxiety after writing that email. And during the week, I had sort of a feeling of... well that I'm going in the right direction, and that we are heading back towards each other. And that's a great feeling to have.

If you are reading this, and you've read all my other posts, then I know exactly what you are thinking. You are thinking, "Noooooooo! You're falling into a trap! You can't take a little positivity as a sign she wants you back! You're only going to get hurt again! Can't you see what's happening!"

Well first of all, I'm not convinced that it isn't better for me to believe we're going to get back together, than it is to believe that we're never getting back together. And yes, I see how this can be a trap. Not any kind of intentional trap by her, but a trap in a sense, by me. But I love her. I need to do everything I can to get her back. How can I succeed at that task, if I can't even believe I'm making progress when I may be. Also, she's a very caring person who looks out for me. Not only would she not intentionally lead me on, but I don't think she would even unintentionally lead me on. In other words, I don't think she would be sending me more personal emails. I think she would be pulling away, and having less contact with me, if she thought there was no chance of us getting back together. If that email didn't leave a real impression on her.

It may not be healthy to pin all my hopes on this. To think, every morning, that maybe this is the day that she will come back to me. But maybe it is. And if it's not, maybe tomorrow will be. And if not, hopefully some day, will be the day.